A 'Psychological games' is an approach to relationships that developed around the 1960s. It is a way of looking at the interaction between people – identifying what seem to be fixed scripts in a seemingly spontaneous conservation. One person says something which seems to elicit a certain type of response from the other person, and the response seems to demand yet another particular response from the first person. And on it goes, as if the two people were following a script that someone had written.
2B Games fall into a number of categories, ranging from the harmless to the destructive. Some harmless games are even essential to social interaction – such as the 'Greeting Game' (Hello, how are you? I'm fine, how are you?) and the 'Thanks Game' (Thank you for inviting me. I had a great time.). Game playing is expected in some situations. Everyone involved knows that it is a game, and what is expected. A sales person plays a game of pleasing the prospective customer. Children play games with parents. In cases like these, the game player creates an impression, saying things which are not sincere but are ways and means of getting what they want. Other games, however, keep a relationship from developing to a more real and important level. Still others can actually be destructive, as they are played by people with deeper psychological needs and motivations for power, control or manipulation.
3C Some people set out to manipulate others for their own reasons. But others may not realize that they are being manipulative. They are acting rather from an emotional script. Like a child that wants something, and does all sorts of things to get it, some game players act from their own internal desires, not realizing the effect their words and actions have on others.
4D A number of potentially damaging games have been identified. In the 'Corner Game', the manipulator backs the other person into a corner – places them in a situation where anything they do is wrong. A parent complains that their son or daughter's room is never clean. Yet when the child tidies the room, the parent says, Why did it take you so long? or You haven't tidied up inside the cupboard. The 'It's Your Decision Game' is played by people who want to escape the responsibility of making a decision: I don't mind. You decide. Although actually very much concerned about the outcome of the decision, by insisting they are not the game player forces the other person to take all responsibility for the consequences of the decision.
5E Games may indicate a lack of confidence in the other person, an unwillingness to communicate with them directly. In the most innocent cases, they are played in an attempt at politeness, or genuine concern for the other's feelings (trying not to hurt them). However, even these well-intentioned games don't always have a good end. They can make it impossible for an atmosphere of trust to be created.
6F At their worst, games are a way for an individual to retain power in a relationship, because their own personal feelings are not revealed. The person who uses games to their own advantage needs to win a game in order to have a sense of self-esteem – by harming someone else's self-confidence. Manipulators range from Dictator (who always has to be in charge) to Nice Guy (who exaggerates care and love for others, in order to get what he or she wants), to Protector (who is over-supportive or over-protective).
7G Some game players have so many psychological needs that fulfilling their desires overshadows everything else in a relationship. For example, a person who needs to be the centre of attention may play games in which they consistently take the role of someone who needs help, someone who is dependent. Sometimes people fall into games in a relationship because of the roles that they think they should be playing. A young couple that accepts that the husband needs to defend his wife against criticism by his family, or that he will automatically make the decisions about minor repairs on her car, even though in both cases the wife is perfectly capable of looking after herself. Their exchange will fall into a kind of game, because they have restricted themselves by their concept of the roles that they should play.